Last night (7/19) we were looking at heat indexes of 116. What better way I thought to spend a night with my buddy Mr. Fishwrench than to go have a seat over some brews and watch the drama unfold as the Twins steal a game from the hated Cleveland Indians with a bottom of the 9th walk off by Danny Valencia? Mr. Fishwrench though refused citing the heat and his fragile aging condition – what with Seniors in his age strata struggling with the heat conditions and all.
This said, he was more than happy to ride shot gun in the FishHawk on a local Carver County lake. I guess he figured he needed to take notes from the master on how to put 5 12″ fish in the box come tournament day for a sub 5LB total weight. Who can blame him really? I can catch the little dinks with the best of them. I decided that giving ole Bob a lesson was probably more valuable to the both of us than sucking down a few barley pops with the Twins so off we went.
The heat was on but so was the BS so we were in good spirits. Neither of us really knew this lake well – we’d been on it before but didn’t have any real “spots” per se so we pretty much just started shissin from the boat launch and headed on our way. Standard protocal for Bob and I sees me boating first, most, and biggest. Standard protocol usually also sees me fishing out of the back of his boat so I’d made my mind up going in, I’d let the big guy have his day in the sun and see if I couldn’t pump up his confidence and game a bit.
I had to quietly shake off a good 8 or 9 bites before Bob finally boated one but finally it happened – a nice 10 incher was in the boat at Bob’s hand and you’d have thought he’d just won the lottery. I was happy to check “first” off in my mental checklist and could see from his reaction to this fish that making him feel good was going to be an easy job for me – life was good. Oh, don’t get me wrong – there were plenty of wake boarders/water skiiers/tubers so we had our share of riding the wave but life was good.
After I’d let Bob put two in the boat I figure it about time that I actually try to set the hook so it was game on and I was on the board. Shortly thereafter, I figured I’d throw out one of my new/free Trigger X sink worms. It didn’t take long for the magic to begin….I’m not sure if you’ve seen the movie jaws but I thought I had a great white on when I saw this pretty big girl come toward the boat. Holy $hit I said as I backed off on my drag and let her run the green out of her. I was taking no chances. “Bob” I emplored – “please get the net as fast as you can – I don’t think I’m strong enough to lip her into the boat”. This was a mistake. When Bob saw her, his head kind of sank and you could see the wheels turning. If he netter her for me he thought, he’d have no chance at biggest and with that, the triple crown for the evening would be out of his grasp. The next thing you know my good buddy threw the net to the bottom of the boat, grabbed my scissors, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t just out right cut my line….”huh” he said – “that sucks – that bass had some teeth”.
Folks, this was not the first time I’d seen this show. One of the first times Bob and I got out on the water together 12 years back or so, that SOB used his trolling motor to wrap and cut my line and that was just with a friggin slimer so last night’s events really came as no surprise. Having had this beauty within my reach I’m going to conservatively estimate her to have been a 24-25″ piggy. 
Hey – I’m not the one you should be feeling sorry for though. I mean let’s be honest, if Bob is having to cut my line to get to a title – maybe that’s more a reflection of his luck so far this year than mine right? Well, the writing was back on the wall – I had to help my buddy out. That’s when it hit me – put Bob on the fish and try to shake as many of your own off as you can I thought. I decided to start nicking my line after I tied on new gear and sure as $hit – it worked. If you’re so talented that even when you’re trying not to set the hook, you set the hook – does that mean you’re dripping “good” or not so good since you couldn’t help but catch em? I still haven’t figured that out but again – it worked. I had at least another 3-4 G O O D fish on that “broke” me off. Shucks I’d say – what kind of bad luck am I having today.
After letting Bob boat another 10 fish or so, I could see that our time was limited – the sun was headed South. I headed for a spot that I thought looked perdy yummy and implored Bob to tie on a pumpkinseed Dinger. “What do I do with that” he asked. I taught him how to quietly drop it into the water and just let it fall lifeless. Oh snap….first cast and shibam!!!! Slaunchy was in play. Oh, this girl had game. She came out of the water and showed us that big beautiful belly. I knew I couldn’t let Bob screw this up or he’d never be able to live with himself. I told him to dial down the drag and he asked me what drag was. Holy $hit I thought to myself – how could Mr. Fishwrench not know anything about what drag was. This was going to be a challenge. This girl tried to run but the tension was too tight and just as it was about to break, I jumped on Bob and forced him to put his rod under the water. Disaster was averted – if only temporarily. The next thing I knew he was letting her run straight up from the bottom. Oh no….you know what happened next right? Can you say “spit”?
Oh she spit it alright. Spit that hook right back at him as if to say better luck next time buddy. The next time you see Bob you won’t have to ask him why he’s sporting a wacky hook as an earing. In any event, when I saw her starting this run I summoned my super-hero speed powers….I jumped to the back of the boat where Bob had thown down the next before and then without thought for my wallet, my phone, or my own life for that matter – I made a speed of light dive over the side of the boat. Now folks – this fish never let Bob get any line back so I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that I flew through the air a good 20 feet. I got the net under her big phat belly just before she dropped back sub-surface. We were only in 9 feet of water so I was able to stand on the bottom of the lake and it just barely reach my shoulders. Not sure if you’ve met me but “short” is something that’s never been used to describe me. I’m generally always looking down at ole Bob.
In any event, I handed her over to Bob, snapped a quick photo with her, weighed her in at 4’12 and then we both stole a kiss from this beautiful bass and dropped her back to the Carver County lake from whence she came. There you have it – Bob had “first”, “most”, and “biggest”. He felt good about his game again and I felt pretty good myself for having provided my bestest bud with a fun-filled night of mental health activities. Now promise me this – shhhhhhh – don’t let ole Bob in our little secret. Let’s just let him keep thinkin he took me out behind the wood shed.
Morale of the story – the next time the heat index is 116, don’t go to Target Field. Take your buddy or your boy (or daughter) out for a night on the water and make them think their Kevin Friggin Van Dam – even if only for that night!
Take care my friends and keep your lines tight!
