What?!? No Muppets?

In a dastardly move, officials at Chicagoland Speedway banned the Muppets from entering the 1.5-mile oval track, although they were the primary sponsor on several Winston Cup cars. By 4:00pm local time, Saturday, July 13th, all Muppets had to be off track property. Track officials claim that although the Muppets were sponsoring several cars in the field, they were in no way endorsed by the track.

In a Fishwrench exclusive, we uncover the top 10 "real" reasons why Chicagoland banned the Muppets from appearing before tens of thousands of Muppet crazed race fans.

10:	NBC believed Benny Parsons would be mistaken for Grimace of McDonalds fame. Grimace, however, is not a Muppet.
	Benny Grimace
09:	Fears that Animal would try to make poor pit decisions for DEI team. Tony Eury, however, already has that job.
08:	Muppets would steal attention away from that crappy one and a half groove racetrack Chicago tries to pass of as a super-speedway.
07:	Elliot Sadler would be preoccupied with trying to catch a greased Miss Piggy and would miss the green flag.
06:	Scooter would replace Johnny Benson in the #10 Valvoline Pontiac and no one would be able to tell the difference between the two.
	Johnny Benson Scooter
05:	Muppets demand too much parity in manufacturers' cars.
04:	Fozzy's "Ladies and Germs, start your engines, a-a-a-a-a-a-a" not appreciated by diehard redneck NASCAR fans
03:	Swedish Chef would be chasing Kenny Wallace saying "Here chickie, chickie, chickie!"
02:	Jimmy Spencer had already threatened to eat Rizzo the Rat.

And the number one reason why Chicagoland refused admittance to the Muppets...