Jr. Pulled From Burning Car By Father's Ghost:
Local Moron Justifies Claim's Legitimacy

So you say you don't believe that Dale Jr was pulled from his burning corvette by the helping dead hands of his father? You say Dale Jr is perhaps gone around the bend? Well, I for one believe him and you are friggin' anti-dead-person bigot.

Dead people are really quite talented. They can hover, rapidly change temperatures in whole houses, have access to chains, etc. Why not believe that they could assist Dale Jr out of his mangled race car. If only Dale Sr would have been dead the day he crashed into Daytona's turn 4; if he had been dead that day he may have prevented himself from dying. Something to think about.

Of course Dale Jr has a guardian angel. How else do you explain that the Eury's haven't killed him yet? More contemplative attention goes into the construction of a gas station funnel than the setup of the #8 Chevrolet. That Dale Jr isn't toes-up already is proof that there is a watchful eye hovering above him at all times.

Now that he has the whole "I'm almost dead in a car HELP!" need for an angel covered, perhaps he should look for an angel that handles the "Duh, I have to talk to the media and I've run out of standard responses about my sponsor, springs and fans HELP!" need. Obviously, the Intimidator was able to pull him from the fiery wreck on the track, but he just couldn't pull him from the metaphorical calamity in the CBS studios. I expect soon though, the need will be realized by the heavens and the next time Dale is on Dateline, you'll see him yanked by an invisible hand off camera just as he says "I'd like to go into acting..."

Dale Sr.'s caring hand is still following his son's path. Well, Dale Jr's path. Screw that Kerry-- I mean, you can pull a kid out of a fiery car once or twice a year, but when you're dead you're not looking to start up a new full time job.

Chris Gustafson