Here are some questions from actual Fishwrench readers.

Dear Mr. Fishwrench, Do you think it would be tacky to solicit and or promote a sponsor for a wedding? Of course Mr Fishwrench is aware of the outrageous prices people charge. I understand this is a special day but........I could see myself wearing a Tux with an advertisement on it. Heck the wedding party could pose for picture advertisements. Just think, five good looking women in dresses. Not sure if this would be appropriate. would like to see your input.
Looking For a Solid Opinion...

Opinion Seeker - sponsorship of weddings? That’s like sponsoring terrorists! No man right in the head should be taking a walk down an aisle of any sort – wedding or otherwise. Trying to cope and live with someone of the opposite sex is like trying to drive an over-tight, aero-pushing racecar at Darlington. Someone's going to end up in the wall, and there ain’t no SAFER barriers in matrimony. Getting hitched is like asking for your carnage to be towed back to the garage; your race day is over. There ain’t no more fun for you.

Here’s my advice. Instead of investing money in tuxedos and dresses that only get worn once in a life time, put that money into a good pair of running shoes. Once you have them on your feet, RUN! Run, single man – RUN! Unlike the tuxedo, you can use the running shoes over-and-over again. Every time your would-be spouse tracks you down, strap on your shoes again and run like the panty hose in her wedding-day stockings – RUN! As soon as you’ve run a few miles, you might be able to pick-up triathlon sponsorship – that’s where some serious cash can be made.

In short, sponsorship good; weddings bad. Run.

Good luck! Oh, and congrats on that whole wedding thing (my wife made me say that).

Question......................
Let's say you are fishing a lake with shallow weeds that are very thick with very stringy leaves and you know the bass are in there but it is too thick to fish cranks or anything for that matter with exposed hooks...you also know the fish are targeting minnow baits that look like shiners because you can coax an occasional fish out of the weeds with a black and silver shallow shad rap. What would you throw at them??? Keep in mind the weeds are thick enough and stringy enough that even an exposed knot would gather weeds.
buckshot@...

Buckshot, you've got a couple of different choices in front of you depending upon the weed make-up. This is the order I would try these various techniques, assuming extra thick weeds.

1. Throw a weightless deadstick - fluke, creature bait, lizard - all good choices. Just put one texas style on a plain hook and let it slowly sink through the weeds. The bass will hit it with a tap-tap-tap. Don't reel this lure in. Just give it a couple of jigs, take up the slack and let it sink again. If the weeds are super thick, this may not sink at all. In that case, move on to option #2.
2. Try a 1/8oz mushroom-head jig w/ a twister tail. This is an AWESOME late summer/early fall pattern. Work this much like the deadstick mentioned above. It's light, so you'll have to pop it out of the occasional hang-up.
3. Go on top - buzzbait. Cruise a buzzbait across the surface of the weeds; this time of year the bass will gladly break water to feast on something zipping atop their fall hideouts.
4. Chuck a big ol' 1oz jig. This will punch through almost any sort of weed and head toward the bottom. Flip/pitch this into pockets where possible. Once on the bottom, just shake the jig for a bit. This may be all it takes to lure a bass in. If you don't get a bite in that pocket, reel up and hit the next one.

Good luck, and tight lines!

Mr Fishwrench - What do you do if you're in a new State bored out of your mind in the winter with no one to hang out with and no where to ice fish because the ice is gone?
Thanks for the great web site.
Confused In Michigan...

Confused, there's never a need for boredom. Got spuds? How about PVC? Any chance your significant other won't miss a can of hairspray? Well, by golly, you've got all the tools you need to make a spud gun! That's right - a spud gun.
Using 1.5" PVC as a barrel, some wider PVC for a propellent chamber, an end cap, and a Coleman "clicker" spark ignition, you can build yourself out of boredom for under $20.00. Sure, it might take some hack sawin' and a little PVC glue to tie it all together, and then you'll need to drill a hole in the end cap to support the ignitor, but that shouldn't be a problem for a man with the talents of a local moron.
Anyway, glue it all together (except the end cap - this needs to screw on). Put a spud in the barrel, fill the chamber with hairspray, screw on the end cap, and click the Coleman ignition. BOOM! You've just launched a spud!
Have fun!

DISCLAIMER: Fishwrench.com does not endorse the construction or use of spud guns. We just think the concept is funnier than hell.

Mr Fishwrench - What's with all the lead in the water?
boots40@...

Boots, it's those darn walleye guys. Go out to about 25-30 feet of water on any walleye lake and all you'll find on the bottom are quarter oz jigheads. Several stories provide accounts of scuba divers being impailed by thousands of little jighead hooks at a time in those very same depths. Think of it, if a walleye fisherman isn't catching fish, he's catching the bottom, logs, weeds, rocks, and ultimately snapping lines. That goes with the territory of fishing for those darn bottom feeders.

Sure, we bass guys snap a few lines too, but no one has ever died or suffered a mental handicap from rubber, plastic, and/or brass poisoning. Eat brass chips as a child? No problem. I'm sure it was good for you, and the EPA hasn't banned brass from homes.

OK, so there are a few noted cases of accidents involving large glass beads, but those aren't the same beads used for bass fishing. The beads we bass fisherman use are tiny, tiny little beads. They're used for fishing - that's it.

Yep, blame the walleye guys and their little Lindy gear - they're killing our lakes.

Mr. Fishwrench, I have a dilemma, I love to watch my races on Sunday (like any good red-blooded American should!), but I also have a standing tee time at my local course. Now I know that I could tape the race and make it all work, but there is nothing that you can do to filter out the results from all other sources. What do you suggest that I do?
golfernutz@...

Gopher Nuts, what you have here is a classic conflict of interest. Do I golf my standing tee time or watch a race? You're right in that there are just too many sources out there tipping you off to the results of a race you've been waiting to watch on tape. Some bozo, around the 15th green, is going to tell you about a Jack Rousch driver cheating his way to victory again. There's no getting past it. The other option is not to golf, but then you'd probably be stuck spending those 4 hours with the family - time better spent chasing a little white ball and smashing clubs into metal and graphite shavings. The only real solution is to get cart for your Sunday round. I'm not talking about just any cart - get yourself one of those fancy, short-box Chevy Silverado carts with the Vortec 5300 engine. Why so big? Why else? You're going to need all 6 feet of that short-box to haul around your generator and 32" TV. Sure, you could put a bigger TV back there, but then the club pro might have to kindly ask you to leave the grounds. So, there you have it. First get a cart (in the Chevy variety), then load up your TV and generator. You'll have plenty of time to watch the race while the foursome of dingbat, pudgy girls in front of you hacks their way to green and never thinks of letting you play through.

Got a new GPS unit and I LOVE IT. However, I think the computer geeks at the corporate office can track me now out fishing when I am supposed to be at work. Can they actually do this? Am I just paranoid? How can I find out if I am being tracked?
junkerjunk@...

Junkerjunk, excellent question. I've always figured that if my GPS can find satellites, then satellites can find me. That's not the case though. GPS units do not have transmit capabilities, so no information is being beamed back to the satellites. Even if they could, the GPS unit should be the least of your worries. Microbots - now there's your problem. Sure, it's called tetanus shot, and supposedly, you need it every ten years to keep the vaccination up, but have you ever known anyone with tetanus? Didn't think so. Could it be that the shot is actually a microbot, a robot so small that it's undetectable under the skin, shooting information to satellites and big brother about your current whereabouts and happenings? Seems awfully peculiar that your DNA can identify you, when the government should have nothing to match a hair sample of yours against. Just where did they get my matched DNA information in the first place? Microbots; fear the future my friend...fear the future.

Mr Fishwrench, I need a new bass boat, something with some muscle, but the spouse says "no way". What can I do?
boatdreamer@...

Get a new wife.

Mr. Fishwrench, how much will fishwrench pay me for putting out a Walleye article in the on-line magazine or news letter.
Rich
rich@...

Mr. Fishwrench pays for two things - beer and women, in that order. As much as I'd appreciate an article about catching a sissy-fish, Fishwrench is all about bass and the cars that can catch them. Fishwrench is also about being free. The local morons writing for me now aren't getting paid, and they know 'walleye' isn't capitalized and 'newsletter' is one word. Contributions are always welcome, but I don't want to have to do a lot of editing. It cuts into my fishing time.

Mr. Fishwrench, just wanted to say great article on jigging. I am a walleye hunter by nature and I spend my early spring months and late fall months snap jigging walleyes. Mid summer finds me on the flats of Mille Lacs or chasing large mouths and muskies the idea of snap jigging for bass never crossed my mind, I thought it was more finesse fishing like with plastics, not aggressive like your snap technique. I have never jigged a bass (intentionally) but I am going to this summer. Maybe I'll even get that monster on 7/21.
Thanks,
John
john@...

John, thanks for the note. It's feedback like this that let's us know what to write about at Fishwrench. If you like the vertical jigging article and would like more jigging information, check out Jigs: Not Just Another Lure In a Pretty Skirt.

Mr. Fishwrench, my 10 year old asked me what the spring runs are. I told him that it is one of two things. Either it is the best time to try out your Dolly Varden that you tied during the winter doldrums, or it is caused by Giardia ingested from that pristine mountain spring. I wasn't exactly sure so I am asking the expert. Thanks. P. Bismol, Ostrander Ohio.
junkerjunk@...

Oh yeah, I've had these before. The last time I got them I was watching Dolly in that 9 to 5 movie. Man, was that awful. Then it happened again when I saw her in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Yep, that'll do it to you. OH WAIT! You wrote Dolly Varden...that's different. Dolly Varden, most common in the rivers of Alaska, make an annual run upstream much in the same manner as salmon. It's breeding time, and they have to get to their favorite spawning areas. The trip is often life ending - the fish are either caught by us or eaten by bears, but their drive to mate keeps them on their upstream course. Because these upstream fits occur on a schedule and include such large quantities of fish, they're often referred to as 'runs'. Add in the spring season and you have 'spring runs'. I'd still stay away from Dolly Parton movies though...

Mr. Fishwrench, how about a page of Fishwrench for kids to give the little tikes a start in the finer points of bassin' and NASCAR. How many 5 to 8 year olds know how to Carolina Rig and the favored deadsticking doohickey? Too many of our kids are in Joanne Fabrics with Mom or playing Nintendo 64 and Sony Playstation 2.
rhsohns@...

Excellent question, Rich. At this time, children do not fall into the target market for Fishwrench.com, as many of our articles contain adult humor and/or limited profanity. I'm sure you wouldn't want your children to read "...and then the [explicative] fish bit me in the [explicative] [explicative] two [explicative] times!" It's just not good PR when children are exposed to this.

Perhaps a children's site is a possibility in the future, but nothing is being planned at this time.

Mr. Fishwrench, I went to a make a few casts on the local fishing dock and saw some pretty sweet Fishwrench shirts on some of the rich guys in boats. Can I, Joe Public, get an offical fish team t-shirt?
joepublic@...

Joe - can you say "this is the luckiest day of my life"? Of course you can get an official Team Fishwrench fish shirt. Just follow this link, or check out the FW Store. CLICK HERE
Mr. Fishwrench

Dear Mr. Fishwrench (you pig):
My husband has become addicted to the internet, particulary your website. He spends countless hours mulling through the same mindless information at your site, day in and day out. I don't see him any more, unless I dress in off-white plastic and make modem like buzzing and chirping sounds. Even then, I can't dispense fishing or racing information, so he's back in front of the computer. What's wrong with him? Is there anything I can do?
Unhappily Yours,
Some Guys Wife
buzzkill@...

What's wrong?!? Nothing! Your husband has stumbled across one of the best kept secrets on the web. Fishwrench.com is king! It's not an addiction your husband has, but a quest for knowledge. Sadly, he probably won't find it here. My suggestion? Don't stand in his way, and go make him a sandwich.
Mr. Fishwrench

Mr. Fishwrench - What's the best color to use when jigging? What color should the trailer be?
Thanks,
John
blanchard@...

John - Excellent question! So excellent, and common, I just couldn't stop myself from writing an article about it. Check out Jiggin' for Bigguns in the FW Features section of Fishwrench.com.

Hey Fishwrench Guy! Answer this!
I need to rip a hunk of OSB wood down to 9.5 inches, and don't have any sawhorses - what do I do now?
3fingerjoe@...

Joe - glad you asked. I've included a picture of some homemade high-capacity sawhorses, no building required. Just click the link below for the picture. You should already have the parts you need in your garage. CLICK FOR PHOTO (Note: stock car at Talledega minimum height requirement can be substituted for boat). And Joe, keep an eye on those fingers.

Ask Mr. Fishwrench: --CLICK HERE--